Relationship Tips

Online Dating Tips

2008-12-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

Online dating only begins at the point where you start looking for date by Googling online. While the simple approaches can be used by a man or woman, the results will be wildly different.

Even if they browse a site, and find profiles that interest them, some of the results can be quite surprising. Because this is such a luck filled approach it's best to know what you're doing before you start paying.

The services at free sites are similar to those at the paid sites however, the paid site's analysis and overal matching based on more thorough research are hard to beat for accuracy.

The basic systems by which online dating sites operate are similar. A user is required to enter his or her profile. The profile is then stored on the site’s server, and can be accessed by any authorized user. Most dating sites run a powerful search program designed to match profiles bases on a variety of veriables. Most of the hottest dating sites make their matches based on age, gender, location or commuity, interest, career choice, etc.

Pricing of services varies from site to site. Some online match makers provide free access to a few profiles as part of a trial period. Others insist on payment upfront or limit the trial period to a weekend. The payment also has several layers. The maximum access is provided to those users who pay the highest rates.

Most paid dating sites are tightly focused on their users' privacy. They route the contact mails through their mail server so that neither party will ever see the actual mail address of the other. Some advise opening a free e-mail account for online dating. This does not happen in the case of free websites. Your personal information is visible to everyone.

Another important thing about paid sites is that they allow people to post or browse profiles only after paying the subscription fee. Also, only members can contact the site users. Besides this, a paid membership also entitles members to a higher ranking in search results.

All sites advise you to avoid mentioning personal information like your full name, address, phone number, place of employment, social security number etc. This is sound advice, and must be followed in full. There is no point in exposing yourself to cyber stalkers.

However, there is no harm in entering your interests in full. It also makes sense to post a good photograph on the site. Profiles with photographs get better responses than profiles without photographs.

As in the offline world, first impressions are vitally important. Most services suggest you make your first contact through mail. The second step would then be to call your matched date. Lots can be discovered by listening to a person's voice.

Naturally, a phone call is very personal, and definitely a serious step. It is important to do this only once you've developed a liking for your online friend.

Be sure you do not reveal your landline number at this point. Savvy online daters use "disposable" prepaid cellphones for initial contacts. It is always best is to use a mobile, since it does not reveal your home address or your actual phone number.

The final step should be to invite your online friend to a date. Be sure to pick a public place...and let your friends know where you're going and the timeframe for your meeting. Safety first is always prudent.

Ciao,
Doc Rich
PS Click here for more details at LuvDoctr.com, a my hot new dating advice blog...

Obamas as Relationship Models?

2008-11-29T10:55:00.000-08:00

Obamas as relationship models has been the buzz since election night. The entire world watched when President Elect Obama walked out on the stage and reached out for his beautiful wife and partner Michelle.

Their kiss and lingering hug was the most private and public display of affection I can remember. The crowd's noises of approval are not easily separated from the overal frenzy of the night. So the question remains, "can we catagorize the Obamas as relationship models?"

As a seasoned relationship coach and mentor, I, for one, can say Definitely Yes. This is a couple that is in love and they don't filter their emotions just because they're in public.

When I blogged a few days ago my focus was on long term relationships. As always, I thought of hundreds of things I could have and should have thought of when I was writing those sentences.

Public displays of affection, just because the moment hit you as you were in a public place, is a part of the fabric that long term relationships tend to carry along their journey though life.

These events are not planned, nor are they controlable. They are the raw, implusive flashes of energy that are part of the package. However, the lack of such public displays are not signs of a weak relationship...just like such displays do not necessarily prove the relationship is strong.

What I have learned is more like an observation of the prevailing tendencies of long term relationships. When girl friends and boy friends have a certain type of bond, the phrase, "I only have eyes for you," is richly clear to be a part of how they live and love together. All else ceases to matter when the moment comes to let your relationship partner feel the love.

Take a deep look into your relationship and test your temperature. Cold, hot or moderately warm, the idea is to get together and see why you are how you are at this point in time. Love is good and displays of affection are part of the package.

"Get with it and consider Obamatizing your relationship." Life is good so why not expand your enjoyment of it?

Feel free to leave your comments. I'd love to read your thoughts.

Ciao,
Doc Rich
PS If you haven't done so already, click here to visit my interactive blog at LuvDoctr.com

Relationships Can Last...It's About Friendship

2008-11-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

Working as a personal development coach for more than 15 years teaches one a lot about what works and what doesn't work to make a relationship last.

Being a partner in a relationship that spans more than 15 years provides a great vantage point for learning the difference between "long termers" and those whose relationship will burn out in less than a year. The following quick tips will hopefully provide you with some thoughtful (and possibly restless) nights.

Most individuals have experienced a friendship that has lasted for years. Whether this was a girlfriend or a guyfriend, the lessons learned from a long friendship are priceless.

If you haven't been blessed with the experience of a long lasting friendship to use as a model for your relationship with your partner....make notes.

1. Decide at the outset to look for hunches, points of shared or mutual interests, hobbies, or something similar. The point here is to be sensitive to your friction/attraction balance. If there is more attraction than friction, at least you have a reasonable starting point. Naturally, the object of this focus is to be aware of whether or not this person is comfortable to spend time with.

2. Make a commitment to yourself that you will not pursue a relationship with someone you would not want to add to your list of friends. Whether your friends are men or women is not the issue here. If the person you've begun dating is not a good match for the personality types shared by most of your long term friends, take a pass. The prognosis is not strong for this to develop into a long term relationship.

Disclaimer:) This is definitely a "logic and reason" based approach to assessing the potential for a new person in your life to become a long termer. Naturally, such attractions are not a logic and reason based decision. Love decisions are generally based on emotions.

However, if your personal relationship history is a path strewn with relationships that have broken within a 2 to 3 or so year period, it's definitely time for you to change your strategy and your focus.

Bottom line, if you and your partner are unable to build a relationship based on a foundation of friendship in the traditional sense, your chances of hitting a lottery jackpot are much stronger than the odds for you enjoying a long term relationship.

Ciao,
Doc Rich
PS For more information and tips about relationships plus an interactive question and answer section, Click here for a visit...

It Takes Two To Tangle

2008-08-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

Relationship friction will sometimes lead to arguments and the end result can be physical interaction. Please know that once your relationship partner gets physical it's time to move out.

I'm not suggesting that you break up, however, I'm definitely suggesting that one partner, most appropriately the physically attacking partner, must leave immediately. Talking it over and listening to excuses or an apology at this point is not the way to go.

Physical aggression signals danger. When a relationship partner loses enough control over his or her emotions and impulse controls to initiate a physical attack, the time for talking is over at that moment. Separation will allow for a cool down...which must be the first priority. Stop talking immediately and separate. Call for help, even if you must lock yourself in a room to make the call.

When you think about this advice it comes at a time when you are reading the words of this message. Most likely you're at a point of calmness and cool temperament. This is the time and mindset when it's best to discuss how your relationship will handle communication and setting limits. You should set aside time each week, or at least every other week, to get together, preferably on a date, and discuss mutually agreed on rules of engagement.

Whether your relationship is younger than 90 days or older than 3 to 5 years, you, and your relationship, are well served to discuss how you'll communicate and how you'll help each other signal when you're loosing your temper.

The time will come when nearly any human being will loose control of emotions, enough to shout, curse, swear and even pound a table or wall with a fist. Such behaviors are natural, depending on several factors, including early childhood experiences.

Physical attacks definitely cross the line and cannot be tolerated. Statistics indicate such attacks will escalate nearly 98% of the time to a much more violent episode. Don't give this pattern a place to grow.

You and your relationship partner are in full control of the direction you're traveling. Design and discuss your own personal road map.

Ciao,
Doc Rich

Just When You Were About To Give Up...

2008-08-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

So you've reached the end of your rope in this relationship. He has done the most unforgivable thing. She has absolutely done that one thing you've both talked about not doing for the very last time. It's gotten to the point of no turning back...or going forward. It's time for closure.

If you have ever been in a relationship you've probably been at this fork in the road. Some of us survived and moved on and other's made exit statements, packed up and hit the door. Let's ask a couple of questions...

When you think back to times when your behavior was, in a word, terrible, did he smooth over the issue and let it ride? On one occasion when you were plastered and scrubbed the side of the tree when you parked against the curb, did she help you out of your clothes and wipe you down and let you sleep it off without a smile or a frown...just a little genuine concern?

Whether your answers were yes or no depends on time, experience and depth of love and maturity. Most often, 98% of the time in fact, both relationship partners have a set of unreasonable expectations that are cashed in at certain points in the relationship. No judge or jury is available and impartial parties do not exist. So what's the answer/cure/solution?

More time in the seat. That's it.

You both must give yourselves and your relationship time to mature. Take it from a 30year veteran (one single marriage...it was only 10 years the first first time around), a relationship, like fine wine, tasty cheese, Thanksgiving turkey, and many other of life's rich experiences, improves with age...if you allow yourselves time. If you freeze the turkey it will have to thaw. Then the maturing part gets a chance to start. Trying shortcuts only leads to failure...as does not allowing time for maturity to season your relationship.

The price you pay is an investment in an end result that no one you know can describe. And even if they could, you wouldn't believe them.

Long term successful relationships take time. There is no magic. It's a one-day-at-a-time process. Love, sex, lots of hugs and kisses and conversations, are the oil that smooths out the bumpy places.

Relationships are wonderful after a few shared struggles and overwhelming challenges are survived. The strength that both relationship partners build when they've stuck together through hell and high water, is remarkable. It's part of the foundation that makes human beings humane.

Love hard and heavy and make a true and trusted friend of your relationship partner. A day will come when that person is the only human being between you and death. Not necessarily physical death. A much worse form of death. I call it soul death.

Ciao,
Doc Rich

Two Much Too Give Up

2008-07-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

You're busy so I'll keep this short and to the point. You and your relationship partner are both treading water...so to speak. By this I mean you're working hard everyday to make a living and handling the muriad of responsibilities most adults have to handle in the course of life's journey.

So when you hit the wall in regard to being overburdened in your work life doesn't than carryover into your relationship at home? Of course it does.

If you're like most of my readers you're already past the point where it would be an easy decision to give up on your relationship. And giving up just because you're emotionally drained because of too much outside stress is a terrible reason for giving up on your relationship. You have too much to give up now. So what's next?

Release yourself from stress and stressful situations. You must install a release valve or two into your lifestyle. Both you and your relationship partner must take the time to do this right away.

Even when you are both fair and understanding of each other's needs, it's easy to lose it due to an overload of stress that is unrelated to your relationship at home. You must plan for this inevitable explosion.

Sit down during your next weekend and map out a strategy filled with activities, etc, that provide fun ways to totally exhaust the stress that builds up during your work week. You'll find this is the best investment of your time and energy. You'll also realize the benefits for years to come.

Plus the glow it brings to your relationship is second to none.

Ciao,
Doc Rich:)

Are You Dating Inside Your Relationship?

2008-06-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

The fact that relationships are a good thing does not create controversy. What may cause a stir is some of the out-of-the-box ways people try to keep their relationship alive.

I've even spoken with those who insist "open relationships," which to me just seems to be licensed sleeping around, are working for them. There was a time when I was so liberal that I would give an approving nod. Now I move in a totally different direction. This is largely because I've been a relationship coach for more than 15 years and I've seen what works and what doesnt.

Here's what I know: Relationships don't have to hurt and building a solid relationship doesn't have to require a large measure of sweat equity to make it work. Work is involved, however it can be fun.

My suggestion is to avoid falling into a routine that shuts down the part of your relationship experience that actually led to the relationship.

What this means is: You most likely dated prior to the beginning of the relationship. If you're like most of us, one of the concessions you've made, due largely to your crazy daily schedule, has been to stop dating.

Once you start down the path of eliminating the fun and crazy activities you did during courtship, your relationship is headed for starvation. Emotional, physical and psychological starvation.

We'll chat again about the care and feeding of a relationship. However, for today, start dating inside your relationship. Pick a place that you've talked about but never visited....make a date and go out on the town. Date Your Mate...It's A Very Good Thing.

Ciao:)

Relationship Enrichment Means Weekend Fun

2008-06-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Your decision to be live in a relationship is the most special part of your life. This fact doesn't change regardless of whether your relationship is working or not. It's always a good idea to build "testing points" into your routine. Relationship partners do this in a number of ways. Here one cool idea for you to consider:

Get together with your partner and work out a schedule for relationship enrichment activities. This doesn't have to be nearly as stiff and boring as it may sound. In today's world nearly everyone is working 10 to 12 hour days leaving little time and energy to do much more than focus on recovery. Once the weekend comes we tend to have run out of creative steam. This causes most relationships to suffer from being underfed.

The idea of relationship enrichment activities, for some couples, is handled by introducing a date night to their weekly routine. In my case, our initial date nights were so much fun we've now added 2 date nights to most weeks! Initially we started going out Friday nights right after leaving work. Even though we were both dog tired the evening out perked us up.

Now we've added a Saturday date night that tends to start with a mall walk around noonish and sort of slides into the evening. The key is we enjoy being together. If this fits your style please feel free to give it a try.

The only rules for relationship enhancement activities is that you stretch your creative juices toward ideas both of you enjoy, even if both of you haven't done most of the activities you decide on. A sense of adventure, especially first time adventures, adds value and quality and depth to a relationship. The long term impact....and pleasure of this one change is well worth the investment of time.

Share your comments as well as some of the ideas you try out. Be Well...

Keys To Communicating For Healthy Relationships

2008-05-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Understanding how to enjoy a successful relationship isn't rocket science. Rocket science is easier!

Learning how to communicate so your partner gets the message requires you understand a couple of ideas.

First: Communication, especially for relationship partners, is a multi-leveled and meta-communicational expression. In other words, what you say with words plays a small role in communicating your intended message.

Your tone of voice, the position of your eyes, the lack or presence of frown lines between your eyes as you are talking, are part of the message. (If both of you closed your eyes whenever you have a conversation, the message would be different even if you used the exact same words with your eyes open. However this would not be practical or beneficial)

Second: When both of you are ready to work together to improve the way you communicate, schedule a candlelight brunch or dinner. Being away from your residence for this brainstorming session is vitally important. The dynamics of location play a role in any conversation. Now you can begin working on guidelines that you both can use to establish a balanced approach to how you deliver the messages you trade when you communicate.

Finally: Begin with an open discussion of how you feel when your emotions feed into your messages causing you to distort what you actually want to say. This first part of the process must be non judgemental and freeflowing, just like any other brainstorming session. (Google "brainstorming" for suggestions and ideas you can use)

Be sure to cover every one of the modifications you want to introduce to your individual style for communicating. While your individual styles will always differ, the growth of your relationship must be fueled with honesty, respect and loyalty to each other. With this as the foundation your investment of time and focus toward communication will pay dividends for years to come.

Please feel to share your comments and questions.

Ciao,
Doc Rich

Sensible Relationship Tips

2008-05-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

Men and women tend to function from two completely different directions when it comes to how they behave in a relationship. This behavior is always easy to notice when it comes to communication. Men and women have distinct differences which make the common act of communication a more complex activity than it appears. This fact, on its own, is neither good or bad, however the impact of the experience can be both.

According to studies written by relationship counselors, communication is responsible for more than half of the failed relationships that have been observed and documented. This is not news to anyone who has been in a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks. What may be interesting is the variety of issues that cause relationships to fail.

I've been on both sides of a broken relationship over my years of living and working as a counselor. Once as a child of a functioning but broken home and once as the spouse who left the relationship.

What I learned from each perspective I have written into a battery of counseling tips and conversations that serve to support couples through the healing and growth process. The key is understanding that communication is a multi-level and multi-faceted process.

When relationship partners speak to each other the messages being shared tend to have a purpose other than exchanging information. For example:

A partner wanting to enjoy a girls night out event in about two weeks could easily communicate the details of the event in a direct manner to her relationship partner. The measure of directness most often depends on the relative health of the relationship. What this means is, if the partner's work days are 10 to 12 hours and work weeks run 6 to 7 days most months, the girls-night-out conversation will most likely sound like a sales presentation.

A similar case could be made for a fishing buddy outing or a day at NASCAR's latest metal bending showcase. Communication under such circumstances tends to be filled with hidden agendas. This is not the foundation on which to build a solid relationship that stands the test of time. So what do you do when you want, and need, some free time to just get away by yourself...for yourself? How do you communicate this to your partner in a way that gets the point across without
the drama?

John Maxwell, author of "Relationships 101," says, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." When it comes to communication inside a relationship, most often the male and the female partner fail to communicate in the spirit of this fundamental message.

My next post will reveal the keys to improving communication in your relationship. No fluff or theories....just the facts and techniques that relationship partners have used to literally save the life of their relationship.

About The Author:
Alex Rich PhD, is a personal development and relationship coach. One of his associates has released a new book about relationships.

Visit her relationship blog: AskMamaE.com to meet Mama E, the Net's most savvy and experienced relationship coach since Dr. Phil.

The Whys of Relationships

2007-04-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

Relationship counselors tell us that how we communicate is determined by trust, habit, maturity and family influences. Much more basic in todays' work focused world is the need to find more ways to meet a mate.

The relatively new timed interview type of dating events held around the country are a big step in the right direction. I know of several long term relationships, including a dozen or so 10 year + marriages that began with a short introduction, a date and a marriage proposal.

Did you know the odds for finding the right mate are lower than the odds for winning the lottery?
Read "Moving on: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life" for relationship help that makes a difference.

About the author

Alex Rich PhD is a personal and relationship coach. Alex writes articles on health and relationship topics in his spare time.
Click here to read "Naked Intimacy," How to Increase True Openness in Your Relationship. Knowledge is power!

Copyright 2008 – Alex Rich, PhD. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all of the links active, do not edit the article in any way and give author name credit.