Your decision to be live in a relationship is the most special part of your life. This fact doesn't change regardless of whether your relationship is working or not. It's always a good idea to build "testing points" into your routine. Relationship partners do this in a number of ways. Here one cool idea for you to consider:
Get together with your partner and work out a schedule for relationship enrichment activities. This doesn't have to be nearly as stiff and boring as it may sound. In today's world nearly everyone is working 10 to 12 hour days leaving little time and energy to do much more than focus on recovery. Once the weekend comes we tend to have run out of creative steam. This causes most relationships to suffer from being underfed.
The idea of relationship enrichment activities, for some couples, is handled by introducing a date night to their weekly routine. In my case, our initial date nights were so much fun we've now added 2 date nights to most weeks! Initially we started going out Friday nights right after leaving work. Even though we were both dog tired the evening out perked us up.
Now we've added a Saturday date night that tends to start with a mall walk around noonish and sort of slides into the evening. The key is we enjoy being together. If this fits your style please feel free to give it a try.
The only rules for relationship enhancement activities is that you stretch your creative juices toward ideas both of you enjoy, even if both of you haven't done most of the activities you decide on. A sense of adventure, especially first time adventures, adds value and quality and depth to a relationship. The long term impact....and pleasure of this one change is well worth the investment of time.
Share your comments as well as some of the ideas you try out. Be Well...
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Keys To Communicating For Healthy Relationships
Understanding how to enjoy a successful relationship isn't rocket science. Rocket science is easier!
Learning how to communicate so your partner gets the message requires you understand a couple of ideas.
First: Communication, especially for relationship partners, is a multi-leveled and meta-communicational expression. In other words, what you say with words plays a small role in communicating your intended message.
Your tone of voice, the position of your eyes, the lack or presence of frown lines between your eyes as you are talking, are part of the message. (If both of you closed your eyes whenever you have a conversation, the message would be different even if you used the exact same words with your eyes open. However this would not be practical or beneficial)
Second: When both of you are ready to work together to improve the way you communicate, schedule a candlelight brunch or dinner. Being away from your residence for this brainstorming session is vitally important. The dynamics of location play a role in any conversation. Now you can begin working on guidelines that you both can use to establish a balanced approach to how you deliver the messages you trade when you communicate.
Finally: Begin with an open discussion of how you feel when your emotions feed into your messages causing you to distort what you actually want to say. This first part of the process must be non judgemental and freeflowing, just like any other brainstorming session. (Google "brainstorming" for suggestions and ideas you can use)
Be sure to cover every one of the modifications you want to introduce to your individual style for communicating. While your individual styles will always differ, the growth of your relationship must be fueled with honesty, respect and loyalty to each other. With this as the foundation your investment of time and focus toward communication will pay dividends for years to come.
Please feel to share your comments and questions.
Ciao,
Doc Rich
Learning how to communicate so your partner gets the message requires you understand a couple of ideas.
First: Communication, especially for relationship partners, is a multi-leveled and meta-communicational expression. In other words, what you say with words plays a small role in communicating your intended message.
Your tone of voice, the position of your eyes, the lack or presence of frown lines between your eyes as you are talking, are part of the message. (If both of you closed your eyes whenever you have a conversation, the message would be different even if you used the exact same words with your eyes open. However this would not be practical or beneficial)
Second: When both of you are ready to work together to improve the way you communicate, schedule a candlelight brunch or dinner. Being away from your residence for this brainstorming session is vitally important. The dynamics of location play a role in any conversation. Now you can begin working on guidelines that you both can use to establish a balanced approach to how you deliver the messages you trade when you communicate.
Finally: Begin with an open discussion of how you feel when your emotions feed into your messages causing you to distort what you actually want to say. This first part of the process must be non judgemental and freeflowing, just like any other brainstorming session. (Google "brainstorming" for suggestions and ideas you can use)
Be sure to cover every one of the modifications you want to introduce to your individual style for communicating. While your individual styles will always differ, the growth of your relationship must be fueled with honesty, respect and loyalty to each other. With this as the foundation your investment of time and focus toward communication will pay dividends for years to come.
Please feel to share your comments and questions.
Ciao,
Doc Rich
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sensible Relationship Tips
Men and women tend to function from two completely different directions when it comes to how they behave in a relationship. This behavior is always easy to notice when it comes to communication. Men and women have distinct differences which make the common act of communication a more complex activity than it appears. This fact, on its own, is neither good or bad, however the impact of the experience can be both.
According to studies written by relationship counselors, communication is responsible for more than half of the failed relationships that have been observed and documented. This is not news to anyone who has been in a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks. What may be interesting is the variety of issues that cause relationships to fail.
I've been on both sides of a broken relationship over my years of living and working as a counselor. Once as a child of a functioning but broken home and once as the spouse who left the relationship.
What I learned from each perspective I have written into a battery of counseling tips and conversations that serve to support couples through the healing and growth process. The key is understanding that communication is a multi-level and multi-faceted process.
When relationship partners speak to each other the messages being shared tend to have a purpose other than exchanging information. For example:
A partner wanting to enjoy a girls night out event in about two weeks could easily communicate the details of the event in a direct manner to her relationship partner. The measure of directness most often depends on the relative health of the relationship. What this means is, if the partner's work days are 10 to 12 hours and work weeks run 6 to 7 days most months, the girls-night-out conversation will most likely sound like a sales presentation.
A similar case could be made for a fishing buddy outing or a day at NASCAR's latest metal bending showcase. Communication under such circumstances tends to be filled with hidden agendas. This is not the foundation on which to build a solid relationship that stands the test of time. So what do you do when you want, and need, some free time to just get away by yourself...for yourself? How do you communicate this to your partner in a way that gets the point across without
the drama?
John Maxwell, author of "Relationships 101," says, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." When it comes to communication inside a relationship, most often the male and the female partner fail to communicate in the spirit of this fundamental message.
My next post will reveal the keys to improving communication in your relationship. No fluff or theories....just the facts and techniques that relationship partners have used to literally save the life of their relationship.
About The Author:
Alex Rich PhD, is a personal development and relationship coach. One of his associates has released a new book about relationships.
Visit her relationship blog: AskMamaE.com to meet Mama E, the Net's most savvy and experienced relationship coach since Dr. Phil.
According to studies written by relationship counselors, communication is responsible for more than half of the failed relationships that have been observed and documented. This is not news to anyone who has been in a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks. What may be interesting is the variety of issues that cause relationships to fail.
I've been on both sides of a broken relationship over my years of living and working as a counselor. Once as a child of a functioning but broken home and once as the spouse who left the relationship.
What I learned from each perspective I have written into a battery of counseling tips and conversations that serve to support couples through the healing and growth process. The key is understanding that communication is a multi-level and multi-faceted process.
When relationship partners speak to each other the messages being shared tend to have a purpose other than exchanging information. For example:
A partner wanting to enjoy a girls night out event in about two weeks could easily communicate the details of the event in a direct manner to her relationship partner. The measure of directness most often depends on the relative health of the relationship. What this means is, if the partner's work days are 10 to 12 hours and work weeks run 6 to 7 days most months, the girls-night-out conversation will most likely sound like a sales presentation.
A similar case could be made for a fishing buddy outing or a day at NASCAR's latest metal bending showcase. Communication under such circumstances tends to be filled with hidden agendas. This is not the foundation on which to build a solid relationship that stands the test of time. So what do you do when you want, and need, some free time to just get away by yourself...for yourself? How do you communicate this to your partner in a way that gets the point across without
the drama?
John Maxwell, author of "Relationships 101," says, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." When it comes to communication inside a relationship, most often the male and the female partner fail to communicate in the spirit of this fundamental message.
My next post will reveal the keys to improving communication in your relationship. No fluff or theories....just the facts and techniques that relationship partners have used to literally save the life of their relationship.
About The Author:
Alex Rich PhD, is a personal development and relationship coach. One of his associates has released a new book about relationships.
Visit her relationship blog: AskMamaE.com to meet Mama E, the Net's most savvy and experienced relationship coach since Dr. Phil.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
The Whys of Relationships
Relationship counselors tell us that how we communicate is determined by trust, habit, maturity and family influences. Much more basic in todays' work focused world is the need to find more ways to meet a mate.
The relatively new timed interview type of dating events held around the country are a big step in the right direction. I know of several long term relationships, including a dozen or so 10 year + marriages that began with a short introduction, a date and a marriage proposal.
Did you know the odds for finding the right mate are lower than the odds for winning the lottery?
Read "Moving on: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life" for relationship help that makes a difference.
About the author
Alex Rich PhD is a personal and relationship coach. Alex writes articles on health and relationship topics in his spare time.
Click here to read "Naked Intimacy," How to Increase True Openness in Your Relationship. Knowledge is power!
Copyright 2008 – Alex Rich, PhD. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all of the links active, do not edit the article in any way and give author name credit.
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