Tuesday, August 5, 2008

It Takes Two To Tangle

Relationship friction will sometimes lead to arguments and the end result can be physical interaction. Please know that once your relationship partner gets physical it's time to move out.

I'm not suggesting that you break up, however, I'm definitely suggesting that one partner, most appropriately the physically attacking partner, must leave immediately. Talking it over and listening to excuses or an apology at this point is not the way to go.

Physical aggression signals danger. When a relationship partner loses enough control over his or her emotions and impulse controls to initiate a physical attack, the time for talking is over at that moment. Separation will allow for a cool down...which must be the first priority. Stop talking immediately and separate. Call for help, even if you must lock yourself in a room to make the call.

When you think about this advice it comes at a time when you are reading the words of this message. Most likely you're at a point of calmness and cool temperament. This is the time and mindset when it's best to discuss how your relationship will handle communication and setting limits. You should set aside time each week, or at least every other week, to get together, preferably on a date, and discuss mutually agreed on rules of engagement.

Whether your relationship is younger than 90 days or older than 3 to 5 years, you, and your relationship, are well served to discuss how you'll communicate and how you'll help each other signal when you're loosing your temper.

The time will come when nearly any human being will loose control of emotions, enough to shout, curse, swear and even pound a table or wall with a fist. Such behaviors are natural, depending on several factors, including early childhood experiences.

Physical attacks definitely cross the line and cannot be tolerated. Statistics indicate such attacks will escalate nearly 98% of the time to a much more violent episode. Don't give this pattern a place to grow.

You and your relationship partner are in full control of the direction you're traveling. Design and discuss your own personal road map.

Doc Rich

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